my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
