went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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