Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
