I wanna bring you to show and tell
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
