Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
