Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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