i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
