Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
