She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
