I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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