I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
