I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
