you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
