I accidentally had phone sex last night
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
