and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
