I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
