Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
