I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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