turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
