I got chris browned last night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
