Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
