New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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