WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
