bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
