Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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