Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
