You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
