You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
