is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
