Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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