Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
