imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
