just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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