He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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