OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
