WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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