so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
