Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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