its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
