He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
