Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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