I intend to get homeless drunk
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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