R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
