now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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