there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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