piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
