last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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