At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can I color on your dick again?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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