If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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