Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
