Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
